Rob Porter recently resigned as White House staff secretary. A New York Times article (dated February 7,
2018) stated, “Mr. Porter announced his resignation on [Feb. 7, 2018] a day
after his two former wives accused him in interviews of physical abuse when
they were married to him.”
We do what we do to get our needs met. Perhaps his wives stayed in
their marriages to get acceptance, security and/or companionship. Or it is possible they didn’t get out sooner
because they received (or hoped to receive) power, status and/or support. These two women also made their declarations
in an effort to get their needs met—perhaps those of validation, safety,
control and/or to escape the guilt they felt for not reporting it sooner.
In a Washington Post article (dated Feb. 12, 2018) Rob Porter’s
first wife, Colbie Holderness, stated, “For me,
living in constant fear of Rob’s anger and being subjected to his degrading
tirades for years chipped away at my independence and sense of
self-worth.” This comment indicates perhaps
she got out of the marriage to Rob Porter in an effort to regain her
independence and self-worth.
Porter’s wives may not have been aware that emotional needs were
driving them to do what they did, but they did what they did in order to get
their needs met.
Also, Rob Porter did what he did to meet his unmet emotional
needs. They could have been needs of
acceptance, safety and/or competence.
They may have been needs of power and control. We do what we do in order to meet unmet
As human beings, we must have a certain level of control in our
lives or we go crazy. In very broad
terms, two types of control exist in our lives—internal and external. Internal control consists of things like
self-discipline, acting in line with our prioritized values, choosing right
because it is right even if it is hard, and managing our thoughts and feelings. External control includes managing people and
situations around us.
To the extent we have internal control, we have little or no need
for external control. If someone is
exercising a great deal of external control, it would make sense he or she is
lacking internal control. Those who have
been through trauma may go to great lengths to have external control in order
to maintain safety. We do what we do in
order to meet unmet needs.
Needs Met! is a self-help resource book that offers chapters of practical
tools to create emotional independence and how to get your needs met. It is available at KeyInsightsPublishing.com
and for the price of a co-pay of a counseling session you will receive about 15
hours of therapeutic information.
On March 31, 2018, a Saturday seminar, part of the Get Your Needs
Met! series, will be held at the Shilo Inn.
It will be in the Temple View Room from 8:30-4:30 and will focus on
tools to meet the emotional needs of: Safety, Support, Independence and Power
& Control. Register at: GetYourNeedsMet.Weebly.com. Come and spend the day with Bob Stahn and learn
how to Get Your Needs Met!
Get Your Love Needs Met!
Valentine’s Day is less than a month away. It is a day when we celebrate romance. Some people refer to it as “Singles’
Awareness Day” because many single people are not romantically involved at the
When we do not feel love in our lives, we feel it deeply
because we human beings are wired to love and be loved.
Years ago there were studies done of why infant orphans
in Germany were dying at a faster rate than those in Mexico. The orphanages in Germany were more modern, were
cleaner and better organized than the ones in Mexico. In Germany there were better hygienic
practices so the babies’ diapers were changed more frequently and the infants
were fed on a more regular schedule than in Mexico. However, the German orphanages had a higher
mortality rate regardless of what they did.
The studies found the difference was “mamas.” In Mexico the orphanage staff included women
whose sole job was to pick up and love the infants. They would cuddle them, sing to them and give
them human contact. The German
orphanages did not have the “mamas” and the German babies were literally dying
because they lacked love.
We humans need love.
When our love needs are not met, we feel empty and
lonely. Our self-esteem drops and we
feel out of place. Our lives seem to
have less purpose and we long to feel loved.
Four days before Valentine’s Day, February 10th,
I am hosting a day-long seminar at the Shilo Inn devoted to giving you tools
for your love needs to get met. After
this seminar you will never again need to feel unloved, empty and lonely.
Join me on February 10th at the “Ensure an Abundance of Love” seminar where we will add to the information found in
chapters of my book “Get Your Needs Met!”.
We humans need love!
Photo courtesy of: http://www.mindpower.co.za/
As my good friend and colleague eloquently suggests in his recent blog post, “Understand Yourself”, being able to develop and employ self-supporting
mantras can be invaluable in changing old worn out thought patterns that no
longer serve us or limit our journey towards durable, healthy and happy lives.
If I may, I would like to add to this excellent insight, a mantra
that I use on a daily basis and with clients, which starts with, “My mind is
powerful, therefore….”. A very simple phrase that can be used to attach positive meaning to any
concern or issue. For example, “My mind is powerful, therefore today will be a
great day!” or “My mind is powerful, therefore my body will heal!” etc... The reason
this works so well is because your mind and heart will listen to your own
voice. If you say it in the mind or out loud, it will become your reality!
Furthermore, it helps to set the tone for self-awareness, empowering us to be mindful
of what we are thinking and affording us a chance to use new tools to change behaviors
and thoughts we no longer need or want.
If we can be
of any help to you, a friend or love one in working through mental health
concerns, please give us a call or stop by during our office hours of 8am to 5pm Monday through Friday. We are here eager to serve and assist you
in making change happen in your life. You deserve to be happy and healthy!
Rick Reboiro, MS, LPC, CCTP. Well Spring Counseling, LLC.
Do you know how there are a lot of clichés and or common phrases
that we all know and understand the meaning behind them. There is a phrase that I would like to see
become as common and known to you as well as some of the other phrases. This is what I mean, I will start and you
finish these sentences. Every rose has it’s
…. The early bird gets the ….. Life is like a box of …. You can’t have dark without …. Now, if you
would like to, make this very important phrase a part of your daily inner dialogue. I will start and you finish, I feel valuable
when….? Getting to know yourself and what
makes you feel valuable is very important to me, I am really interested in your
health and happiness and your need to be heard and understood. How can I help? Come visit us a Well Spring Counseling and find out. Get to know yourself, you’re worth it. Ask yourself and figure out, I feel valuable when….?
Just like this beautiful sunrise is the beginning of a new day, I hope this is the beginning of you realizing how valuable you are and making it an everyday part of your inner dialogue. I want the answer to "I feel valuable when..." to become known to you and as common to you as all the other common known phrases.
Hope you have a great day,
Richard Morse LMSW,
Contact us at www.wellspringcounselingllc.com